The regular walk around the village was calm and comforting. It’s 1:30am, no people on the streets, lights off, not even a simple sound of life. Feeling cold, I tucked my hands into my pocket as I walked on. I look awful wearing a cap to hide my messy hair, a jacket covering my dirty shirt, my good old faded jeans and my old pair of flips. My eyes still a bit stingy, breath a bit delayed… I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted.

So I’m home today with certain dispositions, but none too grave or tragic to cry, throw fits, or go insane over (like the past 3 days). Whatever the case, I find ways to solve the problem. When the problem is unsolvable, I deal with it in my own terms. I’ve realized over the years that in some complex workings of the brain, I’ve managed to always find reasoning behind everything, which often ends in a certain balance of ideas. In having an opinion, I always have an opposing opinion that would make the former disputable. And in the argument itself, I manage to find reasoning and justification for both opposing sides, which deems the argument unresolved, or cancelling out completely resulting in no argument at all. All within my head.

Everything’s not going right. I’ve to shift for love.

Hello. Mamam, I want a bolero. What’s a bolero baby? I want a knitted bolero for me and the other girls for Mommy’s wedding. Melo, ano ba ang bolero? Para naman kasing alam ko, hindi ko linya yan. Yung ano, “Melo explains”.

*mobile beeps*

Yeah? Matutulog ka na? I hope we can talk about something else rather than my being a sleepyhead. I know I sleep on you more often than not, but can’t you see I’m trying to have a good talk after a long day at work.

*phone rings*

Good afternoon. Can I speak to Mr. Song? Mr. Song’s not connected with the Company anymore Ma’am, may I know who’s on the line. This is Nancy. Is your office still in Ayala. Not anymore. So where’s your office now? I’ll send proposals for properties for sale. For sale? I’m sorry, but I can’t give you the Company’s details unless you’re a fully known contact for the company. “Bah! If I know you’ll just distract us with your stupid proposals again.”

*back tap*

What are you doing? Obviously, I’m preparing the Business Plan for a 50-Seats Call Center and the Nickel Project for Zambales Site. Extremes right? Extremes? Yeah, two totally different projects. I hope this time one of this will really be done. “Back off! It’s just me who’s doing all the work in this office.”

*local phone rings*

Good Afternoon. Snack time. Thank you. “Oh please, not another tuna or ham sandwich again. I love the blended iced tea with lemon.”

*next morning*

I’m late. And so? Why are you late? I’m not feeling well Sir. I’m sorry. It’s ok. “Yeah. I know you prefer me coming late to work rather than be absent. Thank you.”

Anything to be with you.

Now that I’ve an Investor, who’s ready to give PhP 10M for any business I can suggest.. I ran out of ideas.

magiging maayos na ang buhay mo, toto. paalam.

5:23 (ang steamy nights tumutugtog) psst.. gising na puntahan mo ako?

dalawa..

ha?! bakit? anong meron?

tatlo…

wala, ayoko pang umuwi, puntahan mo ako. anong oras ka nasa ayala?

apat….

bakit? anong meron? mamaya pa, umuulan, natutulog pa ako. (bigla kong naalala  

lima…..

kaya mo yan. 8? sige.

anim……

7:15. asan ka? san tayo? anong gusto mo? sagutin mo naman ang tanong ko.

pito…….

nasa ayala na. nasan ka ba? andito na, puntahan kita. hwag kang gagalaw, dyan ka lang.  

walo……..

hello. anong balita? anong bago? inumin mo.

siyam………

8:25. tara na, late ka na.

sampu……….

paalam na.

I know the strength is within. And no one else can reach it other than myself. So I keep doing what I do. Just keepin on. And maybe one day… La La La

I think I’m falling…